Dear Fan Fiction Writers
by EmptyPromisesandFadingWishes
Summary: The Harry Potter characters have been reading stories written about them... and there are some things they need to say. Chapter 10: Hermione is displeased to find a Ron/Draco shipping.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter

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Dear Fan fiction Writers,

While I am pleased you take time to write stories on me, I would like to tell you something. Harry and I are _not_ dating. We may have made up after the war but, the idea is almost disgusting. **Bloody hell Malfoy, don't be so courteous. Have you seen the things they write?** Shut it Potter.

Anyways, I am _not_ a Veela and neither is Harry. We are _not _going to produce babies. **Or any shit like that.**

Okay? POTTER AND I ARE NOT DATING! **Or having secret affairs.**

Yours sincerely,

Draco Malfoy **and Harry Potter**


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

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Dear Fan fiction Writers,

You dunderheaded fools. Potter and I are not together, do you understand? Have you breathed in too much potion fumes? Me and _Potter?_

And I am _not his biological father._ For Merlin's sake! HE LOOKS LIKE JAMES FREAKING POTTER!

Severus Snape

Ps. Nor is he my brother from the past. HE LOOKS LIKE JAMES POTTER, DO. YOU. UNDERSTAND.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

Dear Fan Fiction Writers,

You people are bloody crazy! Voldemort killed my parents, indirectly killed Sirius, Remus and Fred _and_ ruined my childhood.

Why the hell would I fall in love with him? Urm, hello? Common sense? AND I'M NOT GOING DARK! Ginny is _not_ forcing me into a relationship, Ron and Hermione aren't being paid to be my friends and Dumbledore isn't a 'MANUPILATIVE OLD GOAT'!

Oh, and I WON'T GO BACK IN TIME AND FALL IN LOVE WITH TOM RIDDLE EITHER! He….. You….. It's crazy! Why would I love the guy that made my life hell?

Harry James Potter


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

Dear Fan fiction Writers,

I just thought that it would be beneficial for you to know, that Oliver and I aren't dating. Personally, I cannot even see where the chemistry is. We do not even talk!

For one, he is on a Quidditch team while I was working alongside the Minister. (Something I regret.) For another, perhaps my older brother Charlie would be a better a better person to ship with Wood.

Yours sincerely,

Percival Weasley

Ps. I'm straight. Just so you know. For future reference and all.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter

Dear Fan Fiction Writers,

I think that it is rather necessary to inform you readers/writers that _I am a male_. So obviously, I will not tolerate being written off as a girl! If you want to write on a female character, use Pansy or Daphne or Astoria.

I hope you consider your choices carefully. After all, my mother was the Black Widow and I didn't just inherit her good looks.

Yours sincerely,

Blaise (not Blaize) Zabini (not Zambini)


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

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Dear Fan Fiction Writers,

Hermione is my _wife_ and therefore not Malfoy's bloody girlfriend! She would never lower herself to such standards! You _DISGUSTING BASTARDS!_ Hermione and Malfoy?

The mere _thought _of it sickens me! And you even have a ship name!

_DRAMIONE? I DIDN'T HELP HARRY KILL VOLDEMORT SO THAT YOU CAN SHIP MY WIFE WITH THAT FERRET! WE SAVED YOUR LIVES AND THIS IS HOW YOU REPAY US?!_

Ronald Weasley.

The husband of Hermione Weasley.


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

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Dear Fan Fiction Writers,

Just so you guys know Fred and I aren't like having twincest action. I mean like. Fred is my _twin_. I'm not narcissist. **Oh, but if you want we can show you the things we can do.**

I don't even want to know why Fred's wriggling his eyebrows. And Fred likes Angelina too much and Katie is really fit you know? I bet she's really good at _some_ sports. **Merlin, George is so dirty minded sometimes.** It's not just me! Fred is too!

He's my twin and all.

**He's so childish.**

George and Fred

**Fred and George**

Gred and Forge


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

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Dear Fan Fiction Writers,

My dear friends, why, may I ask, do you think I have purposely harmed Harry? I did not put him with the Dursleys' so that he can become 'a weak and easily swayed young boy who would agree with the first wizard he sees'.

I _did_ check upon Harry a several times a year. First off, Mrs. Figg was always there. Second, Minevra had been sent there as a cat. Also, for some times, I cast a disillusion charm on myself and went there to see Harry myself.

And I certainly did _not_ cause Sirius to go to Azkaban. In those days, I had almost no sway over the Ministry.

Yours sincerely,

Albus Percival Brian Wulfric Dumbledore

Ps. Neither am I stealing Harry's money. Please do not assume such horrible things of me.


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

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Dear Fan Fiction Writers,

I am so not with Remus. Not that he's _bad _or anything, it's just. Eww…..

Moony is my friend. A friend only. End of story. So we hugged when we met in the Shrieking Shack. Like.

Oh, maybe Remus was so glad that he's friend was innocent after all and was not a murderer! Wait. That's not possible right?

They _must _be together! They have been dating in their Hogwarts years! They want to start dating! Blah, blah, blah. Sorry, that is simply _stupid_. Okay? Sheesh. There's no such thing called 'Wolfstar'. Okay?

Siriusly.

Sirius Black


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

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Dear Fan Fiction Writers,

I…..

I'm speechless. _You actually ship Ronald with Malfoy? _I have no idea. You.

There's not even sexual tension between them! I mean, Harry and Malfoy, I can understand. (Sorry, Harry. But it's true.)

I can _assure_ you that Ron is happy being my husband. Unlike _Malfoy_, I can satisfy Ronald's needs in daily life...and in bed. Malfoy is nothing. Okay? You got it?

Good.

Regards,

Hermione J. Granger


End file.
